Net worth: 71.4 B USD

Age: ANCIENT

Corporate Affiliations: Berkshire Hathaway, Benjamin Moore, Duracell, Fruit of the Loom, GEICO, Kraft, See’s Candies, Dairy Queen

Sign: Virgo ♍ (and you know what they say about Virgo signs 🙄)

Behavioral Identifiers: Has used wealthy father’s connections as a congressman to accrue huge investments from a young age; Poses as a financial prophet while actually relying on a massive team of the world’s smartest financial analysts and advisors. Waits for inevitable financial disasters to hit and then scoops up companies for pennies on the dollar.

Physical Identifiers: Very old white guy, white hair, glasses

Edibility Rating: Iffy, may or may not turn to dust before consumption 💨